My Infertility Story

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My struggles with infertility start with an early miscarriage.  If you haven’t read about that experience, click here.


Our early pregnancy loss devastated me.  If God gave me the desire to be a mother, why did I experience this miscarriage?  Looking back, I believe that, deep in my heart, I felt I was entitled to a pain-free life.  My rapt attention was not on my Savior, but what I believed He should give me.

Miscarriage Aftermath

My miscarriage lasted six weeks and required 1-2 doctors appointments during each of those weeks.  Because of the medical needs and the stress of my position, my husband and I decided that it was in my best interest to leave my full-time job.  A friend shared a job listing for a part-time position with a local pregnancy resource center.  I was blessed to be offered this position and ultimately stayed with this ministry for almost three years.

My miscarriage and subsequent infertility did not impact my job at the pregnancy center, but they impacted every other aspect of my life.  I was angry at God.  Although God gave me this desire to be a mom, it began to consume me.  I positioned the desire over God.  I sought a miracle instead of seeking the only One who satisfies.

Overwhelmed by Infertility


I placed all of my energy into conceiving a baby, reading everything possible on causes of early miscarriage and how to prevent one.  I found myself crying in an aisle of Target wondering if my aluminum laden deodorant caused me to miscarry.  When my attention turned from preventing another miscarriage to just being able to conceive a child, I bought supplements, changed my diet, and exercised.  Trying to get pregnant overwhelmed my thoughts and energy.  Each day, my number one focus and goal was pregnancy.

After only 6 months, I found myself believing that I would never experience a healthy pregnancy.  I placed my identity in becoming a mother, and that identity shattered more each day.  Month after month, nothing worked.

A year and a half later, we still had not seen a positive pregnancy test.  Many people struggle with infertility for years, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take the pain.  I wasn’t sure how many more fake smiles I could give when someone announced a pregnancy.  How many fake excuses can you come up with when invited to a baby shower?

I was starting to consider that, maybe, my desire to be a mother was not from God.  Because of this, I did one last thing.  I bought a book on infertility and Biblical hope.  Read the next part of my story here.

My infertility story and journey to motherhood

18 thoughts on “My Infertility Story”

  1. Thanks for sharing your story. I’ve been pondering lately how important it is to be open and honest about our struggles and use them to point to Jesus. Life is hard, but God is good.

  2. The season of “right now” and waiting while enduring pain can feel like an eternity. Thank you for sharing your story so that others can feel validated in their own struggles and find hope!

  3. Thank you for sharing this! We can become overwhelmed and anxious when things aren’t happening the way we want them to. God’s plans and timing is always better when we are able to look back and see it come to fruition, but in those moments of a deep yearning, we can’t believe this! Clicking over to read more!

  4. This is such a raw message you are bringing us. Thank you for your vulnerability! I have not dealt with infertility. I have, however, lost a baby. Some of your struggles (in Target and all) can be applied to a many number of struggles. Weight, health, eating, loss, depression. When we want control we often obsess ourselves out of control. Our Father is All Mighty, ever in control (incredibly difficult to remember in these times).

  5. This is beautiful!! Thank you for being “real” and sharing your struggles. God always has a plan and putting everything in his hands is the best and only advice. I literally wanted to keep reading! Keep up the good work..

  6. Putting our desires over God is something all of us have to be careful about. How important it is that you saw it and even more important that you allowed God to walk you through that time to where you are now. Blessings to your family!

  7. Pingback: My Early Miscarriage Story and Journey to Motherhood: Rapt Motherhood

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  9. Pingback: How to Reflect God's Love to Your Children | Four Actionable Steps

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